Dear Jemimah,

Jemimah, I'll share with you my prayer. I know it's hard what I ask. I do hope you can enter this with me. All the way. No fights, no worrying, no other people, just me and you again. I'll delete my social media, as long as you tell me who you follow, I would prefer you were off of it for a while until after a few months. I understand you have friends now. I don't want that to be taken away. I'll do everything I can to make sure that we never suffer again. I promise, I'm capable.

Dear God, I share a prayer that I prayed in the shower just now. As I told Jemimah I'll allow her an honest choice. I pray that we have a chance, to be as we could be, in a perfect world. That the world is not perfect, but ours could be. I have known many blessings, and I'm certain we both will know many more in our lives. The greatest blessing though, is the time and the feeling of falling in love with Jemimah. It's easy to say we've been together for three years. But I'm so blessed. Whenever I speak with her, I fall in love again.

My one ask God, is that you allow us an opportunity, her an opportunity to fall in love with me again. The greatest thing I can do, is live up to my potential. I do not wish to love boastfully, or selfishly, or jealously. I wish to love Jemimah as purely as I can. I wish that one day we have puppies and kids, and a life to call our own. I wish we can celebrate and know that we earned all of this together. She'd have been there for every big moment of my life. And, I for hers.

That is what I desire God. I would give up salaries and awards. The title of being the youngest in the room, and the respect that comes with it. If it could only mean that I have a chance to show Jemimah that I am capable of being who she once believed I could be. Allow her decision to be beneficial to her, and not just suited to me. I do not wish a life where she is unhappy to appease me. I wish a world where we love more purely than anyone in history. I see no reason why it cannot be us. I have all the faith in the world that we could be the greatest love story ever told. I see no woman other than her. I am wholefully committed to sharing this life with her.

You know my faults. But if we get another chance, I will make sure when I propose, it will be a moment she'll never forget. I'll make sure she gets the most beautiful dream ring, and the most beautiful speech. Because it's what your most beautiful angel deserves. So I ask, that I will not love her selfishly, but a biased request, that we have one more chance, to do things without ambiguity, and with love.

Amen.

Jemimah,

I understand trials and tribulations, I understand the hurt I've caused.

I have no words for my behavior, I cannot tell you I'm all the way there in the head when it comes to you, I can't. I know neither are you. I'm not going to make assumptions. I can only assert that forgiveness is a way which we measure love. The things we remember, the times we fell in love.

I'm not sure what you would decide. I have to have my own bias. I think in 30 years you'll regret not having come with me. I think properly Jemimah there is a clear way in which we never have to suffer again. Me and you. Yes I told you last time we only suffer when we're apart. I understand it's the same line. You have to admit we didn't do it right Jemimah. We were so good when me and you just got off social media and worked on us, it was happy. We were happy.

I have an offering, and it's not painless, Jem, I've been through the pain. This hurts me a great deal and honestly I can't say I don't care. I know when I'm with you, the happiness is back. I understand for you it gets hard. When it comes down to it, and you chose who's on your side, who to share the happiness with. I can only think of you.

My offering, is just that you give me a chance. I think despite my failure I've shown that I'm not the same person I was before. I told you several times in the situation I would never do it again, and that's what you were worried about. I understand I said hurtful things, but I meant and acted on nothing. I am completely, Jemimah, I'm ready.

I want you to call me on my birthday. I want you to give me a chance to talk to you about all the things you may not remember or know about me, and me the same for you. Another chance to ask your favorite flower. Make sure pain never taints our memory. I understand the history. I'm not asking for you to forget. I'm asking you to help me speak this idea into existence. I have a lot of dreams. I understand, your worries Jemimah.

I'm not telling you to delete your social medias. I understand you're busy with school, just give me and you some time to establish ourselves again. Let me prove we can fall in love again. Let me show you, that somewhere there's still someone that would wait a year and a half just to see you.

Jemimah, I am hopelessly, and utterly, devoted to you. I understand looking at others and thinking perhaps they should not have been together that long, or they won't last. I don't see that in us. I think we are epic, I don't share this belief of yours that we have run our course. I think the opposite, for people as good as us.. I won't even say that. For someone as in love as myself, and someone as amazing as you, we should be, we will be better.

Come learn each other again.

You don't have to decide anything today. Just call me on my birthday.

So I'm asking you if the Google Docs we shared, if the books I wrote you, if the calls, if the chasing you around the world, if any of it meant anything regardless of the negative you can say about me, please just read it and tell me.

John and everyone always will argue that you cannot help people a million miles away, they will say that things are good the way they are because my family is wealthy or because I am successful. They think that everything is okay, and that it's fine that people live to work. I vehemently disagree with any idea that means people can't do what they want, their passions, and that only the top .1% or 1% can really chase their dreams because "it's just the way things are". I have studied and played with history my entire life, and I read stories of men and women freed by curiosity and that the world had yet so much to figure out, and I think of this often.

It's why I wanted to explore the country with you so badly, run away and disappear in our love if just one last time, it would be the right way. It would have been an act of expression and joy where I could create art with you in a way I've never had the chance to, we'd be able to climb every rock like we did in Piha, and try all the food, and we'd have time to paint our pottery and take a ferry to Waiheke.

That idea of mine, the hatred that I never got to be with you, because of my obligations or because of yours, the idea that it would always be hard. The idea that for so many others their reality is even worse and more difficult than ours. The idea that my mother couldn't spend more than 2 hours with her children when we were growing up because that's the "capitalist" way to succeed. The idea of needing to fit in so badly I lied to you just so you'd think I was cooler.

If I had run away with you, it would be one great act of triumph before I enter a mission of mine to make sure nobody has to live in a world where we're just ants in a colony. Or, at the very least contribute to the betterment of equity.

For all my flaws, I want kids in Africa to have a chance to study, for the children that didn't have Nilson Brasil but a father that told them they weren't enough and didn't let me break the computer just to help me fix it, for the women who married a sexist bigot who limited their educated rather than enabled it and even thought her potential greater than his own.

It's easy to believe I sound crazy and corny and a bit cringeworthy when I spend my time thinking about heroes, JFK or George Washington or Superman. To me, it is the only thing worth believing in, it is why I gravitate towards the idea of Jesus. Not for salvation, not even because of Christianity or any religion. Jesus being all power, God being all powerful is not why I pray, or feel I owe everything to Him. The idea that someone who was alive, that history recorded, and we can tell stories of, a man that died for our sins, whether you believe it or not. The fact that he was alive and here, and walked with us, and forgave the prostitutes, forgave Judas, and had all the power to inspire rebellion and war against the Romans, but instead chose revolution and to spread love. I follow that.

I know I cannot be a good man, I cannot be Jesus. I am flawed and I will always be, I know I will never be moral. You will never respect that part of me. But I believe with my whole heart I can create or help create a world where it's possible.

I tell you this often, you can be as good a follower of Jesus as Peter, you can be as smart as Einstein, as fast as Max if you wish. You cannot be God, but there is not a single human who is unachievable. That should be true for everyone on earth.

The Africa example is just one, but think of how many kids that look like me in Brazil haven't had my opportunity. Maybe they'd fail, maybe they won't, but that's on them. It shouldn't be on luck, or a system. That goes for every person in a situation that limits their education, and the amount of support and belief they get. Every child should have the belief instilled in them that they themselves are great.

I hate modern religion, I hate idols, I hate celebrities. That's why I hate so fiercely when people are occupied by systemic abuse from the groups of people that have money and power today. I do not do it out of sympathy for Palestenians, I do not do it to be performative, it could be any people, it could be any oppressor. I hate that out there there's a boy born into the same poverty I was, without a chance of escape. I hate that there are women and children that suffer anywhere. I hate that there are people with several houses, and those without one. I am not anti-capitalistic, I love material things, I love material things so much that I believe that everyone deserves a chance to compete for greatness.

It is unfair that there are people who work twice as hard as me to feed their families, while I do it to earn a new car. So I will do the best I can to create a culture, through the non-profit, a culture that enables everyone regardless of creed or color not only the chance to attain greatness, but hopefully the belief that they are good enough to do it. The belief that they are beautiful enough, smart enough, potent enough to go anywhere and dream, that in some places dreams are still real.

There is a short Anthony Bourdain clip, and you should see the movie 'Tony' about him, from the studio that made Marty Supreme :). The idea is that in some places in America, the America that allowed people to dream, to be accepted no matter what, to be great, somewhere that is still alive. I just wish I could turn that dial to 11.

I believe that some of the things blocking this are economic, but also religious and cultural. I wish deeply sometimes that people didn't have to derive their morality from a Bible or a different book from thousands of years ago, but from the human idea that God loves us so deeply, and that we have heroes like Jesus to learn from, that we can adapt and create morals that benefit everyone, not favored to men at the expense of women, or one race at the expense of another.

I think in a perfect world religion is abandoned, and in a new 'Age of Heroes', it isn't about spiderman and superman, it isn't about the Catholic church, or Islam, or who has the best "spawn location" haha. It wouldn't be about who can abuse the stock market the best, or who is the most beautiful or handsome, who has the best body or better abs. It wouldn't predispose people all over the world to a life of poverty out of "necessity" or the idea that there's "not enough to go around" while the mass industrializations of the US in the 1900s during different time periods, and the recent buildup of China show that it is very much feasible, to create equity and mass opportunity.

In my 'Age of Heroes' we wouldn't all compete for internships at Jane Street to impress anyone else when in reality you're just fighting over who is going to do math for a company that doesn't care about you. In my world, people would write all the Novels and great fictions that haven't been written, tell the stories everyone is scared to because they need to get a real job. People would play Piano and write compositions because we'd have time for 7 minute masterpieces and not be rushed to listen to 2 minute songs because our attention span is ruined by frivolous social media. In my world people would explore the frontiers that have so much yet still to give, we'd collaborate as a society to map the Earth's oceans, that are still so unknown. We'd build starships and ways to enable the exploration of space, and if we can't do it we'd love each other enough to work so hard that the next generation of humans can see stars we never have.

People would commission art from craftsmen, not just rich people but a woman who may not have all the material wealth but wants a beautiful piece of furniture, and that craftsmen that doesn't face the threat of not being able to feed his family because he may not be the world's best craftsman, just one of the top 10%, will have the ability to create this art for her.

More importantly, people could explore themselves, figure out what they want, they could see Yosemite, or go to mountains in Nepal or anywhere. I take this mix of approaches, from Nietzsche, from myself, from analytics, from history. It's a calculated understanding of power systems, and who controls what, and what needs to change to give everyone the opportunities I want to. It's an idea that it's something that HAS to be done, that the world needs correcting to become a place that is more beneficial.

I'm writing a book about something similar, not really the same but the similar idea that the future may not be so kind if we don't change it.

I see a world where first the United States is again a beacon of hope, and not just a state where rich people do amazingly, and we wreak havoc on people worldwide. I wish for new cities to be erected, for people to care less about race wars and blaming each other for things their ancestors did, and a world where people are joined by an idea that humanity is so precious and that we are so special that there is no difference between white and black. Build a hundred more Stanfords, and build schools where children can learn from the best. Create a world where our brightest minds want to be teachers and aren't taken from it because helping cultivate the next generation pays less than crunching numbers at Google. We'd create new cities, and trains to take us across the country and we'd have so much substance and excess that everyone no matter where they live will have transportation and abilities to see the world. A world where your parents wouldn't have to leave you behind, not because they don't love you, but because it is that hard to make a life and give you the best chance. Societies that don't pressure people to ruin their lives and futures because they think they have none, or because they hurt so deeply. A world where the best architecture and art isn't from the year 1400, but the year 2050. Where people can travel and see everything the world has to offer, not for 2 weeks a year for the rest of their life, because it's all their job would allow them, but a world that cherishes the experience and insight we gain from exploring outside our norms.

I know you want to claim Anthony, Jem, but I really feel like this. There's a long way to make anything like this anything more than a pipe dream. A non-profit will never be enough. Reality shows that to achieve any kind of similar result you need power, unless you are Jesus, which is why he is so special. I'll need to not only get into YC, but actually accomplish things, create things that will make me great. Somewhere along there a Nobel prize or something won't be bad.

I'll continue to try and enjoy the newest movies at the same time as I Google "best rom-coms of all time" and cry to Before Sunrise thinking about you.

More than all Jemimah I want you to know just how much this has always been me, at the same time, you are as much my hero as Anthony Bourdain, or any of these other people. You taught me grace, you are an artist, you are fiercely beautiful, you are intelligent but not so much so that you don't allow yourself to mess up, you do it and take it head on. It's adorable and powerful and pulls me in so much. You are the inspiration, the passion and obsession that got me up in the morning when I didn't have what I have now, or it wasn't as prominent, or I didn't believe in myself to do it. For most of the time we're together, you never made me believe I wasn't good enough. You just expected better from me. I suppose that's what made it so hard for you to just jump with me, the fact that I was always supposed to be better, or my mistakes to put it plainly.

Obviously you know me, somewhere behind all this is probably some pathetic need to be loved and have a beautiful wife and wake up and have kids and dogs, farms, supercars and vintage cars, and like we always dreamed, kids that were the best versions of me and you, being parents we wish we had, not really because ours aren't good enough or bad but because you fixed the parts of me that I missed. So maybe that's part of it, maybe I need all this for that, or maybe I convinced myself I can't have that without being great, or that I wouldn't get truly what I wanted just some Temu version without it.

To wrap it all up, I always believe in you and tell you the same, I think heroes are so much more. I thought honestly in some wet dream the girl I loved and had loved me would believe in me and join me and we can do it together, here or me over there. I'm not exactly sure anymore.

I do know that I am sorry for the lies I come up with for no reason, and I will probably be sorry for dreaming this or whatever. It doesn't have to work, I just have to try, really. I think if I could say one thing, I think everyone should always aspire to be their personal best selves, and that has nothing to do with salary, it's taking the tools and talents God gave you and pushing it to your absolute limit. I really believe if you are not in constant pursuit of finding your limits you are living a boring and safe life.

That being said, it's not easy to do anything I said, most people are comfortable the way things are and don't care to help others they don't care about. I don't want it because it's easy.

I have a lot more thoughts, and honestly I wish now that I had talked to you more, I could write books about this, and in a way I may do that. I can't exactly write my master plan in a story but I like the idea of a fictional story telling my beliefs in simile or creative metaphors.

I think in this world, I'd write X-Men comics, I'd take pictures of animals (I got a picture of some cool Falcons on 7/26/2026 :-] ), I'd like to have a small garden with fruits and other things, I'd like to spend my time fishing and cooking, archery would be nice. I'd love to be a father, a good one, and a good husband. I would love to travel and help people, maybe be a teacher in my free time. I love teaching bright eyed children. I'd probably like to work for NASA or some team researching space and work on physics of some sort. Most importantly, in this dream, I'd never lose you.

What would you do; in this world?

Oh! and a Hasselblad, and Fable.

I wish a lot that you believed in me, there's a chance you knew most of this, I feel I told you a lot. If you did believe this, if at any moment, why didn't you believe in us to run away and be okay when we were younger. Maybe it was harder, maybe I was worse. Maybe I romanticize the idea of you seeing I can do something before I can. I thought you were a force of nature, I thought the same of me, always. I thought if anyone could go to another country and be with their partner forever and do things right it would be us. I wasn't ever afraid to do it for you, I was just so confused on why it was for you. Not the difficulty, I got the difficulty, the part that always broke my heart is that you never talked about it, you didn't stay up all night dreaming about it or working towards that. I wish that made sense to you.

In conclusion, I hope you understand what I want to stand for, what I want to do. Some version of the above that is always changing as I go through life, but the premise is the same. I hope to earn myself a position in history by doing something that nobody even suggests, something as crazy as challenging the way things are.